|
|
Hey, what’s up? My names Buddy Bear and no, I’m not your buddy. In fact there’s not a damn thing I like about you pal. In fact let’s get to the fact of the matter: what you doing in my woods? Are you out for a little stroll? Wanna take in the sights, enjoy nature? Well guess what pal, old Buddy here IS nature. The kind of nature that rips your damn head off in your sleep, crashing through your tent in the middle of the night as you lay huddle in your sleeping bag. Hoping that big things like me won’t notice little things like you; well I’ve noticed you pal!
I see you got a little smile on your face there. Is it the gloves? Do the gloves make you laugh? Like I’m a little silly bear that’ll stand on a pedestal for you and do funny little human things with my paws to amuse you? SCREW THAT! I used to do that, but now I’m out chump. Out back in the woods! Get it!? OUTBACK! HA!
Ever heard the phrase “Time to take the gloves off.”? Well I have to put the damn things on! That’s right! My claws will slap your face off! I try to fight human style just to make it fair. I mean how long you gonna last against a damn bear?! I’ll chew through your damn knee and piss on you, JUST BECAUSE I CAN! Ever have your knee chewed off and have to run a couple miles out of the woods, covered in piss, with an angry bear with boxing gloves on his paws after you? No?! Well let me help you with that!
Oh, wait, before you go let me give you warning. I know your gonna wanna get sly on me and go back home, get your hunting rifle, shoot me, skin me, use me as a spiffy little rug in front of your fire. But maybe, just maybe, I’m a little sly too. While you come to shoot my wild ass I’ll be hiding, waiting, till the night comes and I somehow end up back at your place, creeping into your windows, chewing your kids head’s off. You think about that when you start thinking about how you’re gonna show old Buddy Bear who’s the boss.
So you have a good day friend, a real good day. You think about this little talk we had and I’ll be thinking about your tasty kids. See you around chief….at least you better hope I don’t see you around.
{back}
|
